Santa Gets His Papers

By Jude Joffe-Block
December 24, 2013

PHOENIX – When Santa Claus and his team of flying reindeer arrive at the United States' northern border tonight from the North Pole, they shouldn't face any bureaucratic red tape, at least not from U.S. Department of Agriculture animal inspectors.

'Tis the season for mock press releases from the federal government, apparently.

The USDA actually put up one such release on its blog yesterday announcing it has issued a movement permit to Santa Claus for his nine reindeer. The permit allows the animals to enter and exit through any of the northern border ports between Dec. 24 and 25.

Dr. John R. Clifford, USDA’s Chief Veterinary Officer, is quoted as saying, “We agreed to waive the normal application fees and entry inspection/overtime costs, provided he winks his eye and wishes port personnel a Merry Christmas at the time of crossing.”

It's not clear why Santa and his team would not simply fly over the border. But apparently the USDA thinks of Santa as a customs-laws-abiding kind of guy. 

As a condition of entry, the reindeer must be certified by Santa Claus as never having been fed anything other than hay, sugar plums, and gingerbread.  The reindeer must also be individually identified with microchips or official eartag identification, and must respond to the names ‘Dasher’, ‘Dancer’, ‘Prancer’, ‘Vixen’, ‘Comet’, ‘Cupid’, ‘Donner,’  ‘Blitzen’ and ‘Rudolph’ when interacting with port personnel.  No more than one reindeer in the group may be visibly affected by ‘Rednose Syndrome’, and upon entry, port personnel will visually inspect the reindeer to ensure they are healthy and fit for continued travel.

The release suggests the federal government expects Santa will be both entering and exiting through the Canadian border.

Given the long delays reported by Fronteras Desk at the southern border, we can't blame him.